


Unforgivable

by bye_bye_firefly



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: All kinds of spoilers, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Fights, Guilt, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Killing Game Was A Virtual Reality Simulation (Dangan Ronpa), Long, M/M, Oma Kokichi Being Oma Kokichi, Oma Kokichi Is a Little Shit, One Shot, Out of Character Oma Kokichi, Romantic Fluff, Spoilers, but he still loves him, shuichi is tired of his shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:47:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25014178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bye_bye_firefly/pseuds/bye_bye_firefly
Summary: Even though everything from Dangan Ronpa's 53rd season turned out to be a simple simulation for television, all the scars from the game remain while life goes on for the people who participated. The fourth anniversary of Dangan Ronpa's 53rd season release approaches quickly.Kokichi has been acting unaffected, continuing to lie and joke about things he did, driving everyone but Shuichi away. That's kind of why he's completely taken aback when Kokichi suddenly tells him that he doesn't want to attend the yearly reunion.
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 11
Kudos: 170





	Unforgivable

The last reunion was...bad. Kokichi could admit that was partially his fault, but he _also_ had to say that Kaito was the one who started it by bringing up his plan. It wasn't like he gave him much choice but to start commenting on it! The conversation had started because someone had asked Kaito what he'd said to him specifically- instead of, you know, asking the man of the hour- and when he started talking, Kokichi couldn't help but jump in and say that he was nothing but a _huge_ liar.

That started an argument and people started pointing fingers and then Gonta was brought up and then he started crying so Kokichi was joking around but the jokes that were flying out of his mouth weren't hitting and...

Shuichi had to drag him away from the crowd and break them up before Maki could get to him. She was pretty pissed, actually. She was screaming at him about how he was the reason Kaito had to die the way he did, that he had put her through so much pain just by existing. Hurtful things.

Not that they affected him, though! No, he continued being shitty little Kokichi. He said, "Well, it's not my fault someone went a little crazy and brought their assassin gear. I wouldn't have made the plan if you hadn't shot Kaito in the first place!"

It goes without saying that he had to be taken back home after that because absolutely _no one_ was having it. Everyone suddenly ganged up on him, shouting at him about how what he did was wrong, how he was acting as if he was the mastermind; all true things, mind you! Kokichi wasn't about to deny that. Shuichi, however, wasn't up for that because it fell back on him with people criticising him for dating a monster like him. 

Once Shuichi got them out of the reunion, he looked worn out. Kokichi never took him for someone who liked parties, anyway. But on the way home, as the engine hummed quietly and Kokichi stared out the window, Shuichi asked, "Did you think that was necessary?"

He was kind of taken off guard and looked at him, tilting his head a bit. "What?"

"Was saying all that something you absolutely needed to do? Did your life depend on it?"

He blinked a few times in surprise and looked ahead, watching the road Shuichi was driving on. "I mean... _they_ brought it up."

"That doesn't mean you had to say what you said." Shuichi sighed and glanced at him for a second, a feeling of dread washing over Kokichi. His eyes were so cold. It was a blessing and a curse. "Really? You blamed Maki for Kaito dying?"

"To be fair, he didn't really die. That simulation sure does make dying feel real, though." Kokichi glanced out his window again and mumbled, "Not like you would know, though."

"See," Shuichi said, _"that'_ _s_ the shit I'm talking about. It's unnecessary. You don't have to have the last laugh or to be right or-"

"You think I don't know that?"

"You don't act like it!"

"It's not my fault! I'm not even a real person!"

"You had the _option_ to get your 'real' personality back!"

"I guess I need to remind you that my 'real' personality was as bland as uncooked pasta- a-and I would have to give up _this_ Kokichi, too! You think I want to lose both sides of myself? You think I want to go back to being such a scaredy-cat?"

_"Anything is better than whatever you are sometimes!"_

The car went quiet, Kokichi staring outside with tense shoulders and a tight chest. He refused to look in Shuichi's direction. What _was_ he sometimes? He felt his lips purse tightly as he fought back tears. The question repeated in his head, echoing and bouncing around feverishly. What _was_ he? He was such a shitty person; no one had to tell him that. He carried it proudly. It only hurt when Shuichi pointed it out, huh? After a few seconds of silence, Kokichi softly said, "Whatever I am is what you fell in love with."

Shuichi thought for a moment and sighed, calming himself down with a few deep breaths. He replied, "This is one of those rare times where you aren't lying." He heard him chuckle into the window, but Shuichi knew that he wasn't actually happy. "Look, I'm sorry for saying that. I was just a little frustrated. Those guys are my friends, Kokichi, and...you do a really good job of pushing everyone away."

"I'll forgive you if you buy me some Panta."

Shuichi smiled at him and nodded. "I'll buy you some Panta."

Kokichi turned and returned the smile, though it was a bit wobbly. Shuichi frowned a bit and turned back to the road, carefully reaching over to pat his head. Kokichi just snatched his hand up and placed it on top of his head, relaxing for a few moments.

"Man, what am I gonna do with you? You like to raise hell way too much."

"You could try taming the hellraiser inside of me, but I'm not sure how well that would go, Shumai!"

Shuichi just shook his head and laughed. To Kokichi, just seeing him happy again was enough.

"Meh, I'm not going." Kokichi fell back onto the couch and reached for the remote while Shuichi stood at the foot of it, an eyebrow raised.

"You _always_ go, though."

"Well, 'always' is a weird way of phrasing that because we've only ever had three different reunions." He flicked through the shows on Netflix, kicking his legs out of boredom. "Plus, there was that one time I _didn't_ go."

"You have gone each time, Kokichi."

He paused for a moment and smiled. "Oh, yeah! I forgot that part." He gasped and pointed at the screen. "Look, Shumai! Netflix added the 54th season of Dangan Ronpa!"

Shuichi blinked a few times, walking to him from behind the couch and looking at him from above. Kokichi returned the stare, blinking a few times with his blank face and wide eyes. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

"Car crashes! Crying babies! My enemies trapped under my custom baby seal leather boots!"

Shuichi shook his head and reached down, flicking his forehead and asking, "What's wrong? Why don't you want to go?"

"I don't have a good outfit." 

"You normally just wear what you wore during the game to up the trauma factor, so what's wrong with that?"

"It's not to up the trauma factor," he whined out with a pout. "And I threw those clothes away." 

Shuichi rolled his eyes and said, "That's a bad lie given what you normally dish out, Kokichi."

"No, I'm not lying this time."

"Wait, what?"

So, for thirty minutes, while Kokichi watched an episode of a show he'd found, Shuichi dug through their dresser and closet, trying to find the clothes that Kokichi had apparently thrown out, eventually going to the trashcan and looking down into it. Sure enough, a piece of checkered cloth stuck out underneath an empty egg carton and meat packaging. 

"Oh, Kokichi..." He carefully picked it out and laid it on the floor, covering his nose. The smell coming off them was sickly and there was a crusty stain on the front of his shirt and on the scarf. "What the hell did you do to your clothes?"

"Something I should've done a while ago." Kokichi shrugged, not caring much about the smell coming off the clothes. "I puked on them and, you know, pukey clothes are _gross,_ so I threw them out."

"How did you end up puking on them?"

"Uh, I was...wearing them. And sick."

Shuichi poked his head out of the kitchen and squinted at him. "Really?"

"Uh-huh!"

"You didn't think the half-truths through, did you?"

"You know me so well, Shumai!" He laughed and turned to look at him, gasping and saying, "If you know a monster like me so well, then it's meant to be! Shuichi Saihara, w-will you marry me?!"

Shuichi crossed his arms and smiled, shaking his head disapprovingly. "It's insulting that you think joking like that is funny."

"You're still smiling~!" Kokichi squeezed the air in his hands, begging for him to come over by doing so, and whined for him. "Come over here, Shumai! Let's hang out on the couch!" He smiled even brighter when Shuichi sat beside him on the couch, coming close and hugging his arm, looking up at him with wide, bright eyes. "You look precious, Shumai."

"Normally, I would take the compliment, but," he said as he gently forced Kokichi off his arm, "I can't help but notice you referred to yourself as a monster."

Kokichi stared at him blankly in surprise, quickly smiling a little more and laughing. "I was just joking, you know? Now laugh! I command you to laugh!"

"Kokichi, what's bothering you?"

"Listen, if you're not gonna let up, I'm just gonna lie to you anyway-"

"So, you're telling me something _is_ wrong?"

"N-No, not at all! Nothing's wrong!"

"You just told me you were going to lie to me anyway, so you're clearly lying."

"I'm not! Just believe me; absolutely everything is peachy! No issues, no problems, no nothing!" Kokichi tried to climb into his lap, only for Shuichi to keep him from doing so. "Come on, please?" Shuichi could tell from the sound of his voice and his expression that he was getting a little stressed out and worried. As much as he hated the little whine in his voice when he started getting upset, he wasn't going to let Kokichi suffer alone.

"Are you not comfortable telling me what's wrong yet?"

Kokichi kind of looked away and bit at the corner of his mouth, his shoulders immeasurably tense in Shuichi's hands. "I, um..."

"You don't have to tell me right now if you're not ready, Kokichi." He gave him a soft smile and Kokichi returned it, though his was more shaken by anxiety.

"No, I can tell you."

"Are you sure?"

It took a moment, but Kokichi nodded slightly and took a deep breath. 

"I just..." He swallowed whatever was caught in his throat and stared down at the couch cushions, picking at bits of fuzz that were coming off them. "I don't think that I...belong there. Not even in a kind of 'oh, I'm so different and quirky and an _outsider'_ type of way, but like...they don't want me there. I would just ruin everything like last time. And the time before that. And the time before that time." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and smiled softly. "So, can I not go?"

Shuichi frowned and gently placed a hand on his arm, squeezing it to comfort him. How long had he been thinking about this? He thought back to the reunion from last year and winced at the memory as if it had struck him. "Is it because of...what I said last year?"

"Oh, um, no, n-not at all."

"You don't have to lie."

"Well, it hurt a little, but you apologised and I accepted your apology, so that should be enough for you-"

"But was it enough for _you?"_

Kokichi grimaced and paused for a moment before shaking his head. "I...was still a little upset, but that was just put on top of everything I did in the game and everything I keep doing. Don't feel bad for me; I did it all to myself." He smiled softly, looking up at Shuichi with those bright eyes. "It's all my fault."

"No, it's not."

"It's not like I try to change anything. I just feel bad about myself, but I never do anything to be different." He shrugged and cleared his throat. "So! You should go to the reunion alone and I should just stay here."

"What are you going to do while I'm gone?"

"Probably watch TV, maybe order something, imagine ruling the world."

Shuichi narrowed his eyes and shook his head. "No, I think you should come to the reunion. I think you want to change."

"Nah, it's not gonna happen."

"You threw away your clothes."

"That's 'cause they had throw up on them!"

"You can wash up vomit, Kokichi. I still don't know how you got sick..." Shuichi sighed and pat his head. "You have that cute sweater I bought a while ago. Sweater, jeans, shoes; you can wear anything to the reunion, you know." 

Kokichi sighed and shook his head. "I-I still don't want to go."

Shuichi took a deep breath and studied him for a moment. Kokichi was pulling on his fingers and keeping his head down, seeming so small. He looked so fragile to him. All he wanted to do was scoop him up and cuddle with him until he felt better, but he knew that would only result in him not making any progress. He knew he wanted to change. He could tell that he didn't like who he was, that he thought he was the worst. He couldn't have that for him.

"I could stay by your side the whole time. I'll be right there with you. If you want to apologise to everyone, I will gladly help you." He smiled at him and gently held his hands, Kokichi seeming to relax because of the warmth he suddenly felt. "I love you and I want the best for you and...I think that going and apologising would be the best choice. I'm also kind of worried about what might happen if you don't go but I do." 

Kokichi smiled at him and nodded, gently squeezing Shuichi's hands. "I'm worried about that, too." He took a deep breath and thought the situation over again. Whatever was going through that little head of his, Shuichi hoped it was considering going at the very least. He wasn't sure how the reunion would go if he decided to attend it, but he hoped he would try. When he finally spoke up, he said, "I'll try my best, but if it gets too much, will you take me home?"

Shuichi nodded with a grin. "Of course, Kokichi..." That made Kokichi smile genuinely for the first time the whole conversation, making Shuichi melt. There was something about his smile that made him feel so tranquil. "You're so cute. Do you know that?"

"Well, if that's what you think, then snuggle with _meeee!"_

Shuichi wasn't one to deny him a good cuddle session.

Kokichi, trembling in his seat, stared out the window of the car. When he had apologised for everything he'd done, he fought back tears, controlling his emotions perfectly. Once he was done, the whole room was completely silent. For a few moments, the tension made his shoulders shake and the eyes on him made his heart start pounding in his chest. It took Kaito coming to his side and ruffling his hair for the room to at least relax.

Shuichi seemed happy, trying to include Kokichi in the conversation he started with him, but he was too lost in his thoughts to really pay attention to the conversation. He just sipped at his cup of sake and hoped that something had changed, that at least Gonta accepted the apology. He wanted _someone_ to accept his apology. The night carried on without him.

He was exhausted by the end of the night, leaving with Shuichi quietly. Maki, however, stopped him at the door, immediately recognising the fear in his face. Kokichi looked at Shuichi for help, but just as he was about to stop her, she raised a hand to signal him to stop. She studied Kokichi before saying, "I hope you meant what you said tonight, Kokichi. I'm trusting you. I want you to know that...I forgive you for lying about being the mastermind."

Kokichi couldn't help but let his eyes widen at that, just bursting into tears. Maki jumped and shook her head, quickly reaching around for a tissue for him while Shuichi came to his side and hugged him to comfort him. _"Th-Thank youuu, Makiii..."_

"O-Okay, it's not worth crying over..." She handed him a tissue and shook her head. "Shuichi, how do you handle him?"

Shuichi smiled but didn't answer, letting Kokichi bury his face in his chest. Kokichi calmed down after a few moments, wiping his eyes up before giving Maki a wavering smile. "Th-Thank you, Maki roll~."

She glared and asked, "Do you want to die?"

Kokichi whined jokingly and hid behind Shuichi, a soft smile taking over his face. "She's gonna hurt me, Shumai!"

"No, she's not, Kokichi."

"You wanna bet on that?"

_"Shumaiiii!"_

It didn't take long for Kokichi to change out of his sweater and jeans and into his pyjamas, curling up into a ball on the bed while waiting for Shuichi to finally join him. "That was a lot..."

"You didn't seem there for most of it," his voice echoed in the bathroom. "Mentally, I mean."

"I just wanted to cry..."

"You _did_ cry."

"It was a lot..."

Shuichi came into the room and climbed onto the bed next to him, gently bringing him in so he could lean on him. "You look so tired..."

"I am," he whined. "I'm waiting for _you_ to get into bed, but you're in there doing god-knows-what instead of loving your perfectly perfect fiance..."

"Aw, you really _are_ tired. You're so grumpy."

"Don't tease me; that's _my_ job..."

Shuichi chuckled and gently laid him back before getting him under the covers. "Get some sleep, hun. You did really well tonight."

"I did...?" He yawned and turned to face him as he laid down, scooting closer to him. He placed his head on his chest, letting his eyes close comfortably.

"Of course..." Shuichi smiled at him and kept an arm wrapped around him, gently kissing the top of his head. "You did _amazing._ You should be proud of yourself." He felt Kokichi smile and gently rubbed his side in response. "I love you so much."

"I love you _waaaay_ more..."

Shuichi yawned and laughed, keeping Kokichi safe with him. "Night..."

Kokichi mumbled out a soft, "Ni-ni..."

And with that, they were off to sleep, all snuggled up. Kokichi hadn't felt more exhausted yet more protected in his entire life and he knew he could blame Shuichi on both. Somehow, it didn't seem to matter. He felt perfectly fine where he was, all tangled up in Shuichi's arms. God, he was so warm. He had no right being this warm and loveable, especially not to someone like Kokichi. He was so sweet to him and he never stopped believing in him. He was a dream, wrapped up in pretty paper and tied up with a bow.

Shuichi's heartbeat marched on, keeping a nice and slow rhythm, comforting and lulling Kokichi to sleep. Kokichi felt truly at home here. There was no better place to be; as long as he was by Shuichi's side, everything would work out. He was the symbol of justice and truth to Kokichi; he was living, breathing, loving proof that Kokichi still had a chance in this world. Someone like him felt he was enough to want to marry.

"I can tell you're still awake," he sleepily mumbled.

Kokichi mimicked him and laughed, telling him, "I was close to falling asleep and _you_ just woke me up..."

"Sorry..."

Kokichi just squeezed him closer, happy to have him here. That night, he had the most peaceful night of sleep he'd had in a long time. Shuichi, although he also got an amazing night of sleep, was less than pleased when he found Kokichi had drooled on his chest in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> its like 6am im not proofreading this 😔 you deal with grammatical errors because i WANT to share this with the world  
> i just like making kokichi vulnerable its like one of my favourite things to think about like do you ever imagine your favourite character quietly breaking down in front of the love of their life and spilling everything about how they feel and its all depressing and sad and the love of their life is like "but...i don't feel that way about you. i love you, EVERYONE loves you" and the validation the feelings the TEARS god. GOD.  
> n e way im done yearning for right now thank you for reading this!! it was pretty long, right?? i couldnt stop writing man i thought it wouldn't take so long to get this out but i was WRONG and OF COURSE found a way to get them to fall asleep at the end because that's just WHAT. I. DO. so SUE ME for wanting to see these two fall asleep in each others arms


End file.
